Do you suffer from “Negotiaphobia?”
You are not alone! Many people in this country have a fear of negotiating!
And yet, negotiating is a fundamentally important component of a Realtor®’s ability to negotiate effectively for their customers and clients…not to mention what you need to get what you want in your personal as well as your professional life. I recently collaborated with Dr. George Lucas, an expert on negotiating and together we worked on the 5 biggest mistakes REALTORS make when negotiating:
The first one is this: We fail to invest in a concerted personal development effort.
Too many of us fail to take a class, a seminar, or even read a book to hone our negotiation skills and yet we use negotiation every day in both our personal and professional lives. It pays to invest your time in learning the differences between collaborative (win-win) or competitive (win-lose) strategies. Studies indicate that neither men nor women are better at negotiations, but there is a traditional perception that men are stronger at the negotiations table, so we need to study up to do our best for ourselves and our companies.

The second biggest challenge is our fear of confrontation: Many of us suffer from a malady called “Negotiaphobia – A term Dr. George coined to deal with the desire to avoid confrontation. Negotiaphobia is a challenge for many of us who have a fear, or a distaste of anything associated with the negotiation process. In many cases, we’ll often settle for a bad deal, just having to avoid talking about or to re-negotiate a different outcome. To overcome Negotiaphobia, we need to learn more about the actual negotiation process, and then learn to focus on the MEANS and not just the END when negotiating which will help you to negotiate from POWER instead of WEAKNESS.

The third challenge is that we typically are less likely to ASK for what we really want, and this is especially true for women!

Dr. Linda Babcock and Sara Lashever in their book, “Women Don’t Ask” observed that their male students asked for all sorts of extra’s that the female students rarely asked for. As a result, the women were missing out on a lot of resources and opportunities that the men were getting! So in negotiations, there are many times the other side doesn’t even know there is a problem or concern, and would be willing to consider another option if those options were put on the table. So we must learn ourselves …and when directing our clients …to learn to simply ASK for what they want… and then may still have to negotiate –but are more likely to have a greater probability to get more than they thought…and that comes from good and detailed preparation which we’ll talk about in a minute.

The fourth challenge is that in many negotiations we all tend to generally make ineffective concessions:
It is common for people with an accommodative interactive style to try and please the other party in the negotiation process; and often times, they
confuse AGREEMENT with NEGOTIATIONS SUCCESS and think the negotiations are DONE!
All too often, we tend to believe that once everyone shake hands on the agreement, that the negotiations are complete, –when in fact, this initial agreement may actually initiate multiple phases.
Just know that the agreement is not done until it is written up and executed. Once the agreement is executed, then give it a careful review -as a competitive negotiator may have added or changed some options to include more than was originally agreed upon.

And the last challenge is lack of preparation:
The real key to successful negotiations is PREPARATION.
Many novice negotiators think deals are won or lost at the negotiating table, but in fact, the biggest impact on negotiations is what you do before or after the initial meeting. Preparation helps you understand both your needs and their needs—and allow you to brainstorm a set of options consistent with the real needs BEFORE you get there. You are more likely to reach a collaborative agreement when you are acutely aware of the differences between the negotiable and the non-negotiable issues of the agreement.

Imagine if you were negotiating an agreement for a seller and the buyer says the carpeting is going to have to be replaced and is offering say $8,000 less. If you were properly prepared, you would have already secured a bid for a similar replacement that is really only $3,000.00 – You win…and so do your sellers!

It takes real preparation to get as much information as you can about what the other party’s real needs are and to be clear about what the distinction is between their wants and needs. Experts are adamant that most negotiations are won or lost by the depth of preparation ….so do your homework!

Just learning about negotiations won’t be enough to make you comfortable in the actual process. You’ve got to actually “practice” and you can do that when it doesn’t really matter or count.
One of my favorite examples is to practice negotiating with your dry cleaners…you know…they say they can have your cleaning ready by Thursday. Take that opportunity to “practice” and say…Well, I really needed to pick this up on Wednesday”…can you make that happen? And then watch how getting what you want when you want it was simple, and even a little fun.

We negotiate every day in real estate for ourselves and for our clients and customers…and even in our personal lives…from giving our kids that extra cookie or negotiating with the dog for the evening walk. In any case, studying these 5 steps can help you begin learning a better process so that you negotiate to win!

Terri Murphy, Author of 5 books, her latest with Donald Trump. She is a Speaker & Consultant can be reached by email: Terri@TerriMurphy.com or for more information visit www.WomensWisdomNetwork.com